I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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