party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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