Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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