How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
