My sheets look like a crime scene.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
