He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
