They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
