I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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