It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
