that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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