my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
