Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
