Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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