My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I could fuck to npr.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
