Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
