just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
