oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
