Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
