"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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