So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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