Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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