so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
