so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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