Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
