I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
