Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
