she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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