Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
