I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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