I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
