you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
