Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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