so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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