The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
