Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The best revenge is premature balding
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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