I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
