State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
