After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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