You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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