Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
