just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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