Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
