if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
