Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
