I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
