6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
