how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
