omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
