How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
