"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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