oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
