I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
