Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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