i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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