hell yes lets make some ravioli
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize