I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
