I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
