My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
