i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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