Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
