mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
