Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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