so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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