He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
