woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
