I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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