I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
