i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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