she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
