I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
