Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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