He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
