Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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