just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
