So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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