its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
