This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
