We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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